No More Coffins

There were too many times

Sleeping in a coffin broke my back

It was like when I was younger

And broken on the rack

Just because I’m a vampire

Doesn’t mean I have to do it anymore

If I want to wreck my back

I’ll just sleep on the floor

Give me a comfy mattress and soft pillows

You can never go wrong

You can sit up and read

While you take a hit off your bong

And sex with the ladies and fellas is hella sweet

When you’re not getting a splinter in your ass cheek

Sex is just awful in a pine box

For someone like me that’s a total freak

So to my fellow undead

This suggestion I make

Get yourself a nice bed to rest in

Serve your coffin to the termites as if it was cake.