I really miss going out in my local Goth scene. It’s just every time I go out, some pathetic shitheads have to start trouble with me because they’re jealous of me. I tell you, it’s like being in high school again. I’ve been mulling about writing the stories I have about my experiences in my local Goth scene into an ebook. I know I’ll be shit on for it, because everytime someone states an opinion, “you’re hurting the scene”, or some other such nonsense.

I’m so tired of being shit on, the first hiatus I took from the scene was two and a half years. This hiatus I’m currently on is fifteen years long. I have a wife and a son now and much rather enjoy time with them than being shit on, called a poseur and accused by anonymous cowards online of whining because I didn’t get what I want out of the Goth scene. I got so tired of rotten shits online making fun of me for stating my opinion that I’ve left social media.

Plus the scene up here, despite now being DJ’d by a man that I greatly respect and admire, still has certain people that I don’t like or respect. People that have done things to me and others that I find reprehensible. I never really had true friends in the Goth scene, which is something that I always wanted. I’ve been to other Goth nights in Richmond, VA, the Bat Cave in NYC and a Goth night in NYC in 2009, in a basement with an asshole who purposefully spun dance into me, making me spill my beer on me when he collided with me. I just haven’t had luck in the Goth scene, but I am still Goth, still love the music, fashion and other dark things. I miss dressing up nice and having fun.

In other news, I started the new dose of lithium tonight. It’s a reduced dose, keeping the anti-anxiety/anti-depressant the same. I’m tired of not feeling joy anymore. I feel so emotionless, I just want to feel again. Why am I talking about this? Because there is nothing wrong with having a mental illness. We need to have people be more open about mental health. Too many people have mental health issues and don’t get help because of the stigma that society has created, where everyone has to be perfect and show no weaknesses. It’s fucking bullshit! Please, if you have a mental illness, don’t be afraid to get help. You aren’t weak. You’ll see how much better life is when you are in control of your world.

Good night everyone, take care and stay safe.

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