The Minion by Andres Diaz ©2021

You’re nothing more than a minion, you’re not hot shit

Dreaming of the Duchess always got you chomping at the bit

Your simping for her was fucking pathetic

If she fucked you, she would have been a lunatic

You were always around her like some creepy stalker

It’s amazing her boyfriend didn’t beat you so hard you needed a walker

You went to a fucking Goldfrapp concert in hopes of hooking up with her

Did you think she was going to let you boink her “kitty” that was shaved of fur?

Talking shit about me behind my back

I wanted to give you a knuckle sandwich as a snack

When you were feeling brave, you’d call me a poseur Goth to my face

If it wasn’t for the cops, I’d have made you chug a can of mace

It didn’t matter if I was in full black or not, you’d cast your bullshit judgment on me

A non-Goth like you has no right to call anyone a poseur, no one cares what you see

You never wore all black, you never dressed Goth

Why the fuck were you out in our scene, you’re as out of place as an Ewok on Hoth

Since when are blue jeans and jeans shorts at Goth Night a Gothic outfit?

You don’t like the music or the fashion, you’re just a poseur and a twit

And yet you still DJ your mediocre sets

There has to be a reason why the scene still lets you DJ, is anyone taking bets?

It’s always the same shit over and over again and that’s all you know

A guy like me who knows good music should have been DJing the show

But instead you decided to sabotage me you corpse felching motherfucker

Giving me software without the key, funny, funny, play me for a sucker

Well guess what asshole, I have the last laugh

And you will see this without needing a neck like a giraffe

You’re a vile, contemptible piece of shit, you wanker

With old pictures of the Duchess on your computer, you’re cranking your yanker

You committed the heinous sin of disrespecting me you puke

So I will write this poem about you, you stupid kook

Fourteen years I’ve been sitting on this, but enough is enough

The little bit of essence of you still in my brain I will snuff

Goodbye you wretched, shitty DJ, Goth scene using piece of shit

Here’s your turd cherry, now choke on the pit.