Geoffrey of Mammoth by Andres Diaz ©2021

You may have heard of the famous British cleric, Geoffrey of Monmouth. He wrote stories about King Arthur, Merlin and is the author of Historia Regum Britanniae (The History of the Kings of Britain). What you don’t know about him was that he was also known as Geoffrey of Mammoth, because he used to travel around Britain riding a Woolly Mammoth.

Now Geoffrey was an ornery fellow and many people would antagonize him by criticizing his writing or ideas. Usually he would retaliate by informing the sad git that he was going to shag the git’s mother last night, but the line was too damn long. For the foulest blighters that would greatly offend Geoffrey’s sensibilities, he would leap off his mammoth, beat the bloke half to death, bury him up to his neck and then have his mammoth defecate on the stupid sod’s head. Unfortunately, some dreadfully stodgy Victorians tried to erase this awesome part of British history and we all have to suffer for it. Lousy Victorians, if they’re not erasing history, they’re putting Prince Albert in a can.

Well you’d better let him out!