A number of years ago, I was at a child’s birthday party and they had Thomas the Tank Engine on the TV. After being subjected to multiple episodes I came to realize that I’ve been fortunate to not have a job as stressful as a train engineer from Thomas the Tank Engine. Can you imagine trying to drive a train that talks and goes wherever it wants without asking your permission? I mean seriously, what do they say during the job interview?

I can imagine it probably goes something like this: “You just get on the train and shovel coal into the furnace and keep your mouth shut. The train knows what it’s doing. We think. Actually the last time an engineer tried to actually drive one of our talking trains the security camera system we installed showed the driver being electrocuted after the train said to him, ‘I’m afraid I can’t let you do that, engineer’. Actually, I think you need to get off this island while you still can. That top hat guy is a real jerk when he doesn’t get his way and he demands that we obey the trains. We think that, no wait, I wasn’t going to tell him anything. I’ve been loyal, Thomas, I’ve been loyal! Please don’t punish me! Run sir, run! Save yourself!”