As with many people like me, that are into Goth, the Gothic lifestyle and/or the Gothic club scene, we’ve always been Goth, we just didn’t have a word for it until we discovered Goth. As a child I was always into Halloween, dark things, especially vampires. I used to read books about the vampires of folklore that I got from the local library. I was big into the Universal Studios horror movies. One of my favorite shows was Dracula: The Series. Two movies I discovered in the 90’s that I absolutely adored were The Nightmare Before Christmas and The Crow. Those two movies are the only two movies I’ve seen that I was sad when they were over because I never wanted them to end. I loved the worlds and wished I lived in both of them. I remember one day in High School in the early 90’s, I want to say 1994, but I’m not sure, I had this overwhelming desire to wear all black, much to the dismay of certain people. Even though some people gave me weird stares and some were openly hostile to me, I felt great. I felt comfortable and powerful. I always wanted to wear all black, but unfortunately I owned very little black clothing and you can only do so much living under someone else’s roof. Sadly it was the only time I ever got to wear all black in high school.
In college I did go out all in black a few times and I felt really good while doing it, but I was more into metal and starting to get into punk when I was in college. I still didn’t know what Goth was even then. When I moved back home with my parents, I got back into wrestling, which I hadn’t watched in years. One day I’m watching and this guy called Gangrel comes out. He’s wearing a white, ruffled poet’s shirt and holding a chalice of blood, which he drinks from and then spits the blood into the air. And he has fangs! I was like, this guy is so cool! One of the announcers mentions that Gangrel “is living that Gothic lifestyle”. Yes, darlings, I know he’s not, now stop interrupting my story. So I’m curious about whatever this Gothic lifestyle is, so I get on the computer (there was no Google then) and searched for Gothic lifestyle. I came across numerous websites and the more I read, the more I fell in love. I finally had a word to describe the feelings I had my entire life! I felt like I had finally found a home.
This was August or September 1999. I can’t really remember. Anyway, I started reading about the different styles of Goth and dressing Goth for those new to the subculture. Since I didn’t have a lot of money, I had to be a budget Goth, which actually isn’t a bad thing. You don’t have to spend a fortune on clothes. A simple pair of black work boots, black jeans and a black t-shirt, instant Goth. I decided to wait until Halloween 1999 to official come out of the coffin and announce to the world that I was Goth. It was so liberating to come out and be openly true to who I was. Unfortunately not everyone was happy with me being Goth and it led to a lot of arguments and disagreements with family and coworkers. All the drama and negativity really made me feel like shit and almost gave up on being Goth. I remember it was January or February of 2000 that I was sitting in the mall’s foodcourt before my store opened writing poems in my notebook when I felt even more determined than ever to not give up on Goth, because it was who I am. Goth was a part of me and I wasn’t going to deny it, no matter how much shit I was getting from people. I returned to calling myself Goth, threw myself headlong back into the dark things I loved and began my quest to learn more and more about Goth, the music, the fashions, etc.
This is it for now, but I have more stories to tell and more posts about Goth I will be doing. I hope you enjoyed it.
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#goth #albany #gothiclifestyle