‘Twas the night before Trumpmas

(A ‘Twas the night before Christmas parody)

‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all thro’ the White House
Not a creature was tweeting, not even a louse;

The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St. Vladimir soon would be there;
The grifters were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of tear gassed children danced in their heads

And Melania in her jacket, and Trump eating crap,

Had just settled their brains for a long grifter’s nap‍—‌

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
Trump rolled from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window he walked like a snail,
Tore open the shutters, and threw up the sash.
The moon on the breast of the new fallen snow,
Gave the luster of mid-day to objects below;
When, what to his wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer,
With a shirtless driver, so lively and quick,
He knew in a moment it must be St. Vlad.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and call’d them by name:
“Now! Lindsey, now! Mitch, now! Paul and Jason,
“On! Devin, on! Ted, on! Susan and Bernie
“To the top of the porch! To the top of the wall!
“Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!”
As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky;
So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,
With the sleigh full of bribes‍—‌and St. Vladimir too:
And then in a twinkling, Trump heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
As he drew in his head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney St. Vladimir came with a bound:
He was dress’d all in fur, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnish’d with ashes and soot;
A bundle of rubles was flung on his back,
And he look’d like a peddler just opening his pack:
His eyes‍—‌how they twinkled! His dimples: how merry,
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry;
His sinister mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the fake beard on his chin was as white as the snow;
The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath.
He had a broad face, and a six pack belly
And fists that would pound you, into a bowl full of jelly:
He was hard and cold, a right brutal old spy,
And Trump laugh’d when he saw him in spite of himself;
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head
Soon gave Trump to know he had nothing to dread.
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And fill’d all the stockings; then turn’d with a jerk,
And laying his finger aside of his nose
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose.
He sprung to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew, like the down of a thistle:
And Trump heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight‍—‌

Happy Christmas for Russia, and to all a good night.

#parody #vladimirputin #trump#tr #christmas #xmas #santaclaus #twasthenightbeforechristmas #russia #russiancollusion #whitehouse #donaldtrump #treason #grifter #teargas #mexicanborder

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